Oh the adventure of a life with Christ! My God sees the bigger picture, sees my life all laid out; every aspect and every detail, my God already knows what lies ahead of me for He has planned it! Then it is my job to press into Him, to trust Him, and get to know His heart as best possible that I may discern His will for my life, and be attentive to where He is directing me. Over these past months I have had to do just that over and over and woahhhh has it been an adventure. Back in September I nearly moved back to Kona Hawaii, but through my Heavenly Father's gentle nudge of guidance I was steered away from HI and into a difficult season of waiting where I nearly ended up moving to KC Missouri, but instead ended up in Norway. To me and my flesh this seems so impractical; but I want to remind you, as I so needed the reminding, that our God's plan for our lives is not always "practical" according to us. Sometimes it may even seem downright random, but this season more than most I have learned to trust Him and heed His direction above all else. When I do & I step out in faith and trust while pressing into my King I am able to see His plan and purpose unfolding even amidst the "impractical" or the seemingly random. My God is so good and I am so blessed to be on this life adventure with Him!
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"Countless times I have tried to get through editing, or decluttering, and even posting the PNG pics but have never made it through. It has almost been ½ a year since I got back from PNG and yet I have struggled to post these pictures. These pictures show just a glimpse of PNG beauty, the pictures show joy, culture, and some crazy epic moments which were most definitely present amidst my three months in the country. However, being completely honest those three months God did a major work on me that if you wouldve told me before He’d do I'd say “yeah right, surely not”. God’s “major work” involved my full surrender, even surrender and submission of emotions! More often than not throughout this season I was gripped with the feeling of hopelessness, what seemed like an umbrella of downcastness, and lack of drive or joy in things that would typically make me so excited (and ask anyone who knows me well I get excited about even the littlest of things:)). This is not of my character! Psalm 45:7 tells me that “He has anointed me, more than any other, with his oil of fervent joy, the very fragrance of heaven’s gladness.” It is crucial to realize that it is HIM who anoints me, HIM who is the source of my joy and gladness. When my joy is rooted in anything else I will eventually be let down. Throughout the months God drew me into Him at an accelerated rate as honestly I was at the lowest I had been in my life and at the end of myself. Softly and tenderly, like a good father that He is, He scooped me up into His arms and spoke to me on what He was doing, how He was refining me, and what He thought of me despite my frustration and disappointment in myself for not being able to be happy on my own. God told me that my life was not mine, my emotions were not my own and that, though unintentionally, I had rooted them in things other than Him. It has been difficult for me to look back at these pictures for me and PNG memories because when I see the pictures I am taken back to the feelings of (not to be dramatic but) despair like id never felt before. However God has been shifting those memories from a stinging thing that I avoid to tender reminders of His goodness and oh my God issssss forever and always good!!"
Hello! Today I just wanted to share a little bit of what God has been pressing on my heart this past season. It has already been 5 months since I returned from the country of Papua New Guinea and God has taken me through some of the hardest moments since! Lets take it back to mid March shall we? Mid march I was nearing the end of my outreach, getting excited to return to Kona then home; excited to see my friends and my family again, excited to share of how wild the past months had been and excited to hear how my friends were, excited for debrief (a week in Kona that helps you unpack what all went down on outreach and transition into going back home), excited to re-immerse myself into my community and share what had happened, thank those who had supported me and reconnect with them. During this time of great excitement God taught me a crucial lesson in a very raw way that, little did I know, would become a theme over the next season of my life. Nothing is certain but God Himself. Oh I shall put my hope in nothing but him for all things of life are under His sovereign and perfect control. I remember the evening clearly I was at a ywam base that we had been to previously (so it was one known place and a comfort) near my final day in Papua New Guinea (mind you this is before me having any knowledge of COVID as I was still without service). I had been looking forward to this day for so so long, I had counted down days (not to say I was disengaged from where I was at but ahh this girl missed her people!!:)) because I knew that when this day came that meant I was hours away from seeing familiar faces hugging friends I loved from Kona and then days away from seeing my family, some whom I hadn’t seen for six months! I had looked forward to returning to the base because I knew it, and one known thing was such a comfort! However upon arriving to base nothing was as I had remembered. There was different staff there, the rooms were all occupied and we had to go sleep in yet another hut, the base was packed and noisy, and even the meals were different. That evening upon arriving to base while my team was inside kinda celebrating I had a little breakdown on a balcony. I remember weeping as I felt so so sad and let down when I thought now was the time I was “supposed” to be most happy! I mean are you kidding me I had been stoked for this day for weeks! However amidst my breakdown I abruptly turned from tears of frustration and confusion to crying out to God in repentance! I had been asking God why?! Why am I feeling so saddened right now when I should be feeling immense joy?! Why am I frustrated by such small inconveniences as differences at this base? And in that moment God softly spoke to me saying “Koryn you have put your hope in these comforts, you have put your hope in what you thought would be certain, and placed your happiness under the dependence of these things all the while claiming your hope was in me and that I was the source of your happiness.” I wrote in my journal: “I claimed to be so overjoyed in you when really much of my excitement and hope stemmed from what was to come Lord if any of this is still in me if any remains cleanse my hand of it Lord purify my heart I am so sorry God!”. That evening I learned what I had been told my whole life: Nothing is certain but God Himself, my Creator is constant, my King is unchanging, my Father is steadfast and He is my unwavering rock.
That very theme of my God’s consistency has proven true over and over throughout these past five months. Oh I was so oblivious as to how this lil moment would prepare me, shape my view and perspective, and bring peace over what was to come as theeeee very next day my expectations got flipped upside down. The next day started off calm and normal, it was our very last full day in the country of PNG, I was looking forward to flying again, and to soon being reunited with my friends who were dispersed across the nations when I found out about a thing called, and maybe you've heard of it, covid. Our leader had the one phone that had service and mid day we got a text saying “All Europeans have to evacuate from whichever nation they are in as soon as possible to their home countries!” which was a tad crazy because we had team members who were European, not only that both our leaders were European, annnnnnd to top that some of the people I was closest with from Kona were European. On hearing this and thinking of what it meant and who id be unable to see I silent cried a little, but underlying the tears there was something different than last nights distress; I was sad oh yes, but I was also calm for my hope and source of joy was no longer in seeing these people (though I was inexpressibly excited to see my European friends) it was in God being there for me amidst whatever came. Later that day the unexpecteds continued to roll in as we received another text alerting our team that debrief is completely cancelled and we are recommended to find flights directly home. Now if anything could give me a reason to be disappointed to be distraught these two should have, and while I was distressed and extremely saddened again there was an overwhelming calm underneath it all. Because of the lesson God had taught me yesterday with small disappointments I was able to feel peace amidst these larger ones. Again God reinforced only stronger that Nothing is certain but God Himself, my Creator is constant, my King is unchanging, my Father is steadfast and He is my unwavering rock. Fast forward to now. There has been countless times where what I thought to be certain got flipped, where I expected one thing and God had a different plan. I thought that I would be able to get a job straight away in April, I thought i'd be able to reconnect with friends, family, church, community right away, I thought I would be able to travel to reconnect with the European friends I missed, I thought id be able to follow where God is calling me and head back to Kona in July to staff and so on. Amidst all these I have learned that God’s plans are completely perfect because His ways are Higher than mine, and He has already gone before me so why would I not submit my expectations and plans to Him for Him and His perfection Him and is steadfast love for me, Him and His consistency is the only thing that is certain! This is not to say that while these expectations didn’t happen like I had pictured all was peachy keen, these have been some of the hardest times i've gone through, and I have wrestled with confusion on God’s ways and God’s will for me and His plan in this, I have shed a lot of tears over “disappointment”, but ultimately I am able to fall into my Fathers arms, I am able to lean on Him my rock who knows my future and obtain peace amidst for when I look to Him I know I know I know He is working for my good that I may give Him the most glory possible. I know while situations not working out bring disappointment sometimes of great scale; He will never never disappoint! So in Him I wait for where He is guiding, with Him I entwine my heart that His ways become mine! It is a scary thing realizing that my life is completely and totally out of my control, that things can change and go a different direction at any moment; yet it brings me comfort and calm for I know the one who is in charge of my life holds me, I can be brave facing whats ahead for my God who has already gone through what is to come holds me and calls me to trust and have hope in Him. “Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord.[a] Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting—for he will never disappoint you” [psalm 27:14] “Now, may the Lord himself, the Lord of peace, pour into you his peace in every circumstance and in every possible way. The Lord’s tangible presence be with you all.” [2 Thessalonians 3:16] check out a brief look at what my 3 months in Papua New Guinea looked like! Hello everyone!! I have recently gotten back from six months of missions and for those of you who supported me in this I wanted to give a huuuuge greatly due thank you!! Check it out in the video linked below! Hello! As you may possibly recall going into YWAM I had originally been enrolled in the track compassion ablaze. Howeverrrr the first day that tracks were introduced I felt pulled to the opposite side of the room to hear about a track called messengers. After listening to them talk about the track I felt really moved and fired up but had had compassion ablaze in my mind for so long. However God continued to persist and press that little whisper upon my heart that He may be calling me to messengers track.
Ok allow me to back up a second and fill you in on what a track even is and the details of these two "tracks"..... so a track is or can be related to a college major as it is similar to like what you're specializing in. Compassion ablaze track is dealing a lot with the the margins of society specifically women and children and on a more service/one on one type level. Messengers is similar in its goals to reach the marginalized however from a slightly different angle. Messengers is equipping people to formulate their testimonies and use those to share the gospel and love of Jesus Christ. Whether that be from a platform in front of hundreds or in a with a stranger in line at the grocery store. As you may have guessed by the title I decided to switch tracks from Compassion Ablaze to Messengers. So far I have absolutely loved the track it is so stretching really pushing me out of my comfort zone with sharing my testimony, learning how to communicate the gospel, and talking in front of people. For example: the other day we had to go on our instagrams and at random share a 3 minute live video of us giving our testimony no practice!! Every day is a new challenge but I've been growing so much through it. Thanks for taking the time to read this mini update have a wonderful day! ~Koryn Oh my lanta georgia has this week been exhausting! I know that may sound contradicting to ones assumption of living in Hawaii but I am here to testify that it can indeed be insanely tiring. Even our school leaders agreed that this week has been a lot. This week was called pure heart week. Basically our classes were doubled but on top of that this whole week was like a major healing session/pray over your brothers and sister in Christ sesh. Straight away on Monday I had an encounter with the Holy Spirit and “broke down” before the Lord. Then throughout the week we talked about and tackled tough subjects such as having a “mother wound”, “father wound”, “femininity”, and “masculinity”. Each lesson-if you will- was finished with an invitation to come forward and talk with God about and forgive the wounds your parent has caused or other gender has caused you. These coming forward moments were roughly an hour at a time and if you were not up front you were surrounding those up front and bathing them in prayer. Not going to lie this was a little crazy to me to hear people wailing before the Lord but more than that it was really quite beautiful and humbling. For the times I was not up front I was in the back praying with my heart breaking and crying a lot (and let me tell you crying = draining!!). After those class sessions we still had our tracks and work duties so needless to say (and not even being over dramatic) this week was hard.
HOWEVER on a major happy note...Yesterday I had the privilege of working the World Championship Iron Man!! Ugh I was so stoked for this and it did not disappoint. I said hi to the male champion Jan, and watched the first woman finish!! Honestly the whole event was crazy inspirational, mind blowing, and humbling; these athletes are literally insane! Sorry for the short update of this week but crazy pinched on time. Excited for next week and hopefully a little more freedom time it will bring. Thank you again so much for taking time to read this and be praying over me. Currently I would love prayers for God to break down my wall of a prideful heart and skepticism so He can fully work in me. Mahalo! We are into the second weekend already. “Already” makes it sound like my journey has been going fast but actually there is so so crammed into my day that every day is immense. Monday we began class and as the days went on we learned our work duties, our small groups, annnnnd OUTREACH COUNTRIES!!! But before I get to that exciting news let me fill you in on the rest that is none less beautiful and crucial to my week and growth/mindset thus far.
Class time: every day we have a 2hr training sesh with a speaker. For this class we have a book/packet that we follow, take notes on covering topics such as holiness, presence of God, spiritual joy...etc After the 2 hrs we have a half hour break thennnn we hop right back into another two hours of training. these next two hours are formatted as more of a sermon still correlated to the topic we just discussed/practiced/learned in the previous two hours. Now allow me to give you a visual of what these four hours of classes are like bc they may not be what you’d expect. All 375+ are crammed in a large white tent (Mind you this is all in Hawaii sun and humidity...no AC my friends) there is not a quite moment in the tent. Amens, encouragement, cheering, raising chairs (or this one kid raises his prosthetic leg😂), activities to actually practice what we’re learning (as in how wed teach others this same content for when we go on outreach). These sessions are actually draining bc you get so into it!! I would equate it to the hype before a high school football game if that gives you any idea. We usually wrap up these 4hrs with a small worship/prayer/reflection time. This time is so powerful bc after you listen and are engaged for four hours in heat you are exhausted and this time allows for you to just completely come raw to the Lords feet and allow Him to speak to you. After class time we have lunch(: Butttt after lunch we take off to our track time. Track time is the where you break off from whole group and get with the specific track you chose **i interrupt this message to inform you that I have switched tracks from compassion ablaze to messengers and a post as to why shall be coming soon** The specific tracks are less people (20 rather than 375+) and don’t meet everyday. After track time we then have work duties. Now this is a bit confusing and hectic to situate 375 kids into like 20 various subgroups of work. That being said I was assigned to a work group last week that I was super stoked for (working in the kona community, dealing with foster families, and kiddos after school) however I was informed yesterday that I am being placed elsewhere (they haven’t contacted me as to where yet). So not going to lie i am a bit disappointed with that but God has a different plan in mind and I’m stoked to find it out!! After work duties we have dinner(: After that 2 nights a week we have worship/ministry night where all of ywam kona meets and praises our savior, and or depending on the night, listens to a speaker. If we don’t have worship often we will go into the town of Kona, snag some gelato, have worship at the pier, watch some beach volleyball, chat/evangelize to some locals. That being said at the end of the day and come the weekend I am actually quite exhausted! Spiritually, mentally, physically I'm pooped. But God is stretching me and growing me and ways I did not expect and I absolutely love it. Now that you have a gist of my day to day and what this week has entailed a bit allow me to enlighten you on some big news... IM GOING TO PAPUA NEW GUINEA!! I have been selected along with 10 others to go to the PNG for my outreach!! When I find out more info or details and such on this I will be sure to post but for right now just thought id share that exciting news!! Thank you so much for reading through this, keeping up with my life, and keeping me in your prayers! Speaking of, I do have a specific prayer request: Could you please pray that my overthinking does not hinder me and put a wall of skepticism in my heart. Whew! These last few days have been quite intense but such a blessing and stretch for my soul! To give you an overview:
Thursday morning I flew out of GR, traveled all day. My flight to Detroit was hilariosly short we literally got up in the air for 20 minutes when they announced our decent. From Detroit to Seattle I had more time to do stuff, productive stuff, such as take a two hour nap. In Seattle we pretty much had no layover. It was a land and load situation which was fiiiiiine except that I had just flown for 4 hours and didn’t really feel like scootin right back on another plane for 6 more. But guys through this all God was such a blessing! I was able to meet up with more “YWAMers” in seattle and meet some new buddies, able to quick snag a starbucks drink before loading to Kona (if you know me you'll know why this is a blessing). My flight to Kona was not as bad as I expected. I sat next to a fellow YWAMer and we talked for literally the first two hours, then the next two I watched a movie (If you don’t want to cry next to your neighbor on your flight then I don’t DON’T recommend watching five feet apart!). The final two hours I was able to puts around, delete photos, listen to music, listen to podcasts and then BAM we were in kona! God placed a wonderful sunset in the sky as we flew in to Kona (see pics below) and the YWAM staff was right at the gate to pick us and our luggage off and woosh then away we went to our new home for 3 months. By the time we were on the road to base it was dark so sadly I was not really able to see any of the island that first night, but check in went nice and swift, did a bit of unpacking and was in bed and asleep by 12/12:30 am ish. The following day (Friday) I woke up at 2:30am kona and could NOT for the life of me fall back to sleep because it was 8am our time (im a morning person so past 8 is kinda a rarity). That first day we had multiple orientations lasting from 8-12, then after lunch me and some girls went to walmart to buy some needed household items etc *Ahem FANS!!*. At around about 2:30 we went down to the beach and my oh my whata beaut! We can see the ocean from base but up close the waves were so massive and the water such a stunning blue God’s handy work was above and beyond evident! Finally at 6 wrapped we wrapped up the night with a flag ceremony/worship/jam sesh to welcome the nations. Basically the welcoming of the nations was like a huge hype celebration!! I ended up cashing out at 11:30 so thatttt was quite the day. As for today (Saturday) thus far has been amazing! Got to sleep till 6am and then went for a nice little walk and did some journaling nsuch. Then a little later in the day we had our first “class” time or whatnot! WOO HOO! We had an epic lesson about hearing God’s voice and then got to practice listening to Him and what He was trying to tell us through some exercises. This lesson was given at the perfect time as we also...FOUND OUT THE LIST OF OUTREACH LOCATIONS!! I am not allowed to share the list just yet as some of the locations are sensitive, however we have to choose are top three by tomorrow so that being said...I would love love love for you to pray for me to have a clear mind and openness to which countries God is laying on my heart to select! I also want to thank you incredibly much for the time and prayers you've already poured out for me thus far! I've felt so at peace and so content even amidst all the crazy jumble thats been happening and I know that can only be from God. Thank you also for taking the time to read this:) if you have any ANY questions or just want to chat i'd love to!! My email is: [email protected] My number is: 1(616) 218-8925 Well here we are… One. week. One week until I take off for a 6 month journey. How did this come so soon!? Currently feeling a mix of emotions: I'm feeling panicked, like how the world am I to pack for 6 months in just a suitcase and cary on!? At the same time feeling so antsy and excited to take off and get to my base, yet also kinda nervous about all the unknowns that lay before me.
Today I read a verse that has helped to level and calm those emotions a bit. Ephesians 4:1 says “...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” I believe my Father in Heaven has called me to this adventure and I that all I can do now is strive and try to live a life worthy of this calling. I don’t need to stress about unknown details, panic about if this is where im supposed to be, I don’t need to be nervous about all the variables that play into my journey. There is no need or room for such insignificant things while striving to live a life worthy of my calling. Wait here's where it gets even better…. While I am urged to live a life worthy of my calling there is no way I will ever be worthy. Worthy is to be good enough and deserving. I, on my own, will never ever be deserving of all that God has blessed me with and what He promises for my life. However with my Savior I am. How incredibly wonderful, refreshing, and peace-bringing that is! To know that nothing I can do will be good enough or deserving of eternal life, but what Jesus Christ has done for me that allows me to have that hope and promise of a future. No matter how many jumbled emotions I feel, ultimately im living for the goal to strive and live a life worthy of what ive been called to do: to spread Christs love, make His name known, and make it known that it’s not me or anything I do that saves me but rather what my God has done for me….and its quite calming to know that when all said and done that is all I can do:) Whew gotta say putting into words my feelings and all that the Holy Spirit is stirring inside my heart is quite the challenge! I’m going to need some more practice so bear with me in this :) Thank you again for taking the time to read through this! As the days get fewer and fewer I really want to stress how much your prayers and support mean to me! It is so reassuring to know that I have an army of prayer warriors who have my back and are lifting me up to our Creator. Thanks again! ~Koryn |
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November 2020
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